Before I started writing this, I looked at my previous end-of-the-year posts and read each one of them. My post from last year made me realize how far I have come & I cannot imagine going through it and managing it.
That’s why I told myself last year that I’m going to start practicing self-love. When I started to focus more on myself, I slowly get to know myself more. It’s normal, unfortunately, that we keep asking for more. That conflicting feeling of being happy where you are now and at the same time you want to move a step forward.
I often tell myself that the situation that I’m in now is the same situation that I wish for before.
This year, I got to know myself more
My values are more identified
It took me a long, long way to properly identify my values. My past experiences helped. I guess this is also because I am getting older now, and I cannot just play around.
With all the things that are happening everywhere, I came to realize the things that are important with my ways of working and living.
Having a more defined values helps me grow and develop, and be more open, helping me become better at decision-making.
I am more confident
I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone too many times this year. Most of the time was being I didn’t have a choice! But, the aftermath was I gained people who I can trust and depend on.
I was browsing through my posts on my Instagram and I was surprised to see how many photos of myself I’ve posted this year!
I rarely feel the need to explain myself
I don’t feel comfortable explaining myself to people especially to those who cannot understand it. I realized that if they have something to say about me, that’s because they don’t know anything. It’s true that what comes out of their mouth, is the same level of their understanding.
We all have different circumstances; while we cannot freely express our thoughts and opinions, sometimes we don’t have to.
I learned how to choose where to spend my energy. If it’s not worth my time dealing with you or explaining myself to you, I wouldn’t.
I am slowly trying to stop being too hard on myself. Everything takes time, so instead of forcing and pressuring myself, I would then make a roadmap or a game plan.
It’s easier for me to visualize the end goal if I have written a more detailed approach.
The first step that I did is to accept my reality. I acknowledged that this is what I have now, where I am now, and how much I currently have. Then I figure out my mistakes and find a way to correct it.
I make more time for myself
I make sure that I have at least two weekends per month that I will only spend for myself! It’s good to not have any plans at all, no alarms that will go off, no errands… just chill.
Less inner conflict
One thing that I want to avoid is more confusion in my mind. But because my values are more identified, I rarely see myself being “torn”. If I see it and I want it (and it sparks joy ?), I will get it—okay, not always.
Sometime this year, I came to the point that I ask about my existence—my purpose. It’s probably my lowest point. Then I realized it’s because I don’t know what I want and what my goals are. It also felt that my progress is slow.
I have less inner conflict now because I stopped my thoughts from controlling me; I control my thoughts instead.
I have more resistance to social pressure
I was surrounded by a toxic person who cannot understand what “no” means and sees it as a challenge. That person forces whatever he/she believes in and don’t take into consideration how you feel. But when you try to do the same, you will be called unfair and not understanding.
“You don’t understand me.” and acts like a victim. Always making sure that he/she is the center of attention and exaggerates everything.
Thankfully, because of that person, I now know what type of person I don’t need in my life and how to stay firm in my position instead of compromising.
I became more aware of what I eat and external triggers of my allergies
Not only about my psychological being or mental health, but I have also listened to how my body behaves.
Since I had a severe allergic reaction, I became more conscious of what I put on my face or body. It started when I used the EOS lip balm and my lips had an allergic reaction. I consulted a doctor because I cannot tolerate the pain so I had to take anti-histamines and wait for it to calm down.
Then in spring, I had an allergic reaction to pollen (and they said that pollens this year was too high): itchy eyes, watery eyes, sneezing, etc. Fast forward to the cold season (aka autumn and winter), I had another allergic reaction… it turns out I have eczema.
Towards the end of 2019, I finally consulted with a nutritionist since these allergies can also be triggered by food or my lifestyle itself. And, I was right!
My 2019 is a lot better than in 2018. There may be challenges, but there are also more opportunities! Looking back in 2018, I could not even afford to travel or splurge for myself. I couldn’t even send more money to the Philippines because I was busy paying off my debts. Although I am not debt-free yet, I feel a lot better and more stable now financially.
In 2020, I will focus more on money and my debts. Here’s to more wealth next year! ?