It’s been a while since I last posted on my blog. I want to say nothing much has changed, but a lot has changed. If you’re reading my blog for a while now, you probably read my previous happy list. If you haven’t, you can read it here. I mentioned that I feel like I needed to take a break from blogging. To be honest, I never thought I will need a break this soon. I was not expecting it, really, but after the month of May, everything just changed in a blink of an eye.
Miguel, my boyfriend, had another job which is a work from home. When he was still working in BGC, he used to pick me up at the apartment and he’ll drive me to work. Now, since he no longer needs to travel to work, I commute. I have no problem with that until the guys kept on catcalling me.
Being catcalled is traumatic.
I leave my apartment around 6:30 AM, and walk for about 15 to 20 minutes then I’ll ride a jeep. I hate it when these guys tell me things as I am walking. It’s annoying when they stare at me with a creepy smile on their faces and I hate it that these guys exist. I felt harassed every single day – some guys even have the guts to come near me as they’re passing by, and say things like “hi, babe”, “hi, beh”, “hi, miss”, etc. I also hate it when they’re afar and would still whistle & call me just to get my attention. Not to mention, they have a lot to say if you didn’t look at them.
“Ang taray mo naman.”
“Ngiti naman diyan, miss.”
Till now, there’s never a day when I was not catcalled. I hate to say this, but I’m getting used to it already. I can’t call them out because who knows what will happen to me next. We’ll never know what goes on their minds.
Waiting for something I don’t even know if it’s going to happen is making me anxious.
The feeling of just waiting and there’s nothing that you can do about it is making me anxious. I know there will come a time when things are out of our control. We just have to wait. It sucks, but that’s the way it is.
I am anxious because once the decision arrives, it’s going to be a big change in my life. The biggest change ever.
I had this dilemma: should I stay or should I leave? I was offered a better work opportunity. It was so tempting, I almost grabbed it! I had to decline it due to personal reasons. One reason is I have an ongoing application abroad. I have over a thousand what ifs on my mind; I can’t think straight anymore.
There’s no update yet; I also found out that some had their second interview after 3 to 4 months. Now, I’m really talking about the waiting game. As much as I want to do whatever it takes to speed up the entire process, I can’t. I’m focusing on what I have now. If it comes, I will be grateful. If not, there are still new and better opportunities. I shouldn’t focus on the future more than I should on present, right?
I’m not sure if I’m just sad, or I’m already feeling depressed.
I said that because I came to a point where I don’t want to do anything. Anything at all. I love doing something for my blog, and I definitely enjoy writing. I thought it was just one of those days, but it wasn’t. Days have passed. Weeks have passed. Same.
My friends invited me to travel. My friends asked me out. I didn’t want to see and interact with anyone I personally know. Even Miguel was pushing me to go and hangout with my friends. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to stay home.
My thoughts were wandering all the time. I cannot concentrate and make a decision. The things I normally enjoy doing were gone. I felt like a part of me went somewhere I don’t know. There are random thoughts on my mind, then I’ll only find myself crying. I always tried to want and do something hoping these feelings will fade away. I didn’t notice, but it’s been more than a month already.
It took a toll on my health.
I always fall asleep as soon as I lay on my bed. Nowadays, I wake up in the middle of the night, then I’ll have difficulty falling asleep again. My stomach hurts especially early in the morning. I feel nauseous all the time! It baffles me because I already avoid the food that triggers my acid reflux and I’m taking medications, so what’s the problem then?
When I consulted my doctor, she immediately thought I’m stressed. Why, though? The medications can only do so little if the trigger is stress. She still prescribed to me other medications, but she advised me to try and change my mindset about what stresses me out. She even advised me to change my environment.
I find it easier if the medicines can solve my health issues. Changing a mindset and environment is easier said than done. I’m still trying to pick up the pieces, but I’m happy that I’m already embracing changes.
So, first things first… My new blog theme!
I have been eyeing this theme for months! It has a different layout and design from my previous one. I loved my previous theme; I love how simple it is and I also love its colors.
Well, I wasn’t supposed to publish my new theme this soon. I originally thought it would be better to publish it on my birthday month, October. I just wanted to go back doing what I love, which is blogging! Thus, the makeover. Haha.
There’s only 4 months left this year, and I am so looking forward to the 13th month.
It felt soooooo good to be back writing! It surprises me that people still visit my blog despite not updating it and publishing new posts. Thank you for still sticking around!
This is a very personal post. I was hesitant to write this, but my blog is my outlet too. Basically, these are the main things that I have had issues with. The minor ones, I didn’t include. Otherwise this blog post will take more than 2000 words! I don’t want to bore you. I hope you enjoyed reading it! See you on my next post! <3
What do you do to keep a positive mindset? What can you say about my new theme?